New Idea

So I may not be on here for a little while because I've started another blog. I know, I have way too many journals. This one is different though. I'm trying to do a blog about transformation. I'm transforming myself. I am trying this thing called P90X. It's very different. Looks very tough, but is very exciting. I actually have a little competition going with a friend of mine for motivation. I start today so I'm really excited. I've even gone grocery shopping for healthy food!! I have done pretty well so far. I had an egg white omelet this morning with spinach and mushrooms and a glass of milk. It was really good. I don't think I've ever had egg whites before as an omelet. I really enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to this transformation and I hope it not only helps my healthy lifestyle but my life in focus.

Back to School

So I'll be heading back to school tomorrow. I'm pretty happy to be going but at the same time I'm pretty scared. I've taken care of everything as far as the fraternity and classes and everything else on my list. I still have a lot more to do and now my true mission is to make it through the semester and pass all of my classes as well as do my duty of president at a 100% level. I want to stay focused and I'm gonna try every day to make sure that happens. I also want to make sure I eat healthy and stay in shape. I know he likes my "curves" and all that good stuff but I want to be back in shape so I won't be tired all the time. I'll still have my curves, cause I'm a Ragland and the curves don't ever go away lol. I'm looking forward to it all and I think things will be good but I have to make them good and make it all happen.

What a day...

This has been a crazy day. I woke up at 7 this morning with pain in my pelvis and I couldn't seem to get myself to leave the bathroom. It was awful. I woke my mom up which I felt really bad for. She ended up having to take me to the hospital at 7:30 in the morning. We didn't leave there until 11:30. It was ridiculous. They took my blood pressure three times, which I hate because it always squeezes my arm. My blood pressure was a little low which is weird. I haven't been eating bad but it may be because I haven't eaten enough. I didn't get to eat much yesterday except for some chips and a bowl of soup. I didn't get to eat today until around 12:30 when Mom and I finally got home. They gave me 3 different medications, which is weird because I won't take one of them. I think that medication is for back pain in my kidney area, which I told them that I  wasn't having any pain there, just in my pelvic area. Weird. Glad it's over though.
It scares me that I keep having this problem over and over again. They told me that I could have a tilted uterus. Kim has one too and apparently sometimes that can cause problems with having children. I have to go and see a gynocologist this summer to get checked out and figure out if that is the issue. I just can't wait for this feeling to go away. I hate having a UTI. It's the worst feeling in the world.

Friday January 15, 2010

So today has not been a great day for me physically. I'm having so many issues with my body and I really can't do much about it right now considering I'm not at home and I won't have any money until Sunday. Makes me mad. I'm still at Kienan's which doesn't make me upset cause we've had a really good time together. I think things are going to get better for us. We just have to keep this up once we get back to school.
He got his new phone today which makes him so excited, like a child on Christmas Day. I love to see him smile like that. His phone is actually really nice. I want my new phone!! I'm so sick of mine just because it's old and outdated and I'm tired of going back and forth searching for service all the damn time. The phone that I really want is too expensive but I found a cheaper and nice phone that will work for me. Mom's gonna change our plan anyways so things will work out in the end. I feel like I haven't gotten much accomplished only because I  really have nothing to do right now. Everything is written in my planner so I can't do anything until I get everything for my classes. That week is gonna be crazy.
Oh oh!!! I almost forgot. So I've given up soda and I'm trying to find ways to eat healthy again. But... I'm also gonna start working out again :-) I asked Mom for the weights and I have these videos that are really intense but they will kick my ass into shape. I'm so excited!! I just really need to stay focused on all of it and get myself healthy again. I haven't weighed myself in a while. Not that I want to but I would like to know where I stand on my BMI and what I need to get it down to. Good start to the new year.

Less than a week.

I officially have less than a week until I go back to school. I feel like I still have so much to accomplish before I actually get there. So much planning, so much packing, so many emails. It's ridiculous. So far everything has been planned out day by day so I don't stress out. My planner looks crazy. Not messy this time though so that's good.
I'm at Kienan's right now which has been going well. We didn't have a great conversation two nights ago. I think I'm just having a lot of emotional problems but nothings happening. That is going to stress me out. I don't want anymore scares. I've enjoyed being here. We've talked about a lot of things which is good. We kind of made it clear that there are a few things we should fix before we get married. I am more than willing to make that commitment as long as he is too. :-) I want this to be a great relationship and it already has been for the past year and 2 months.

Sick Day

Last night I went to bed with a temperature of 100. I haven't had a temperature like that since middle school. I was freezing though so it was weird trying to sleep. Emily was here last night. Poor thing. I don't know why her and Lucy put up with these guys. They are all just jerks. Oh well. I hope she gets home ok.

Being sick and relaxing is not an easy thing to do. I've been trying to keep myself busy for these past few weeks that the moment I actually have to sit down and relax, I don't want to. I've been straightening up and putting stuff in my planner again. It's ridiculous. I know I'm supposed to be relaxing but it's not like I'm killing myself. I still have to do stuff like apply for jobs, fill in my planner, vacuum the floor and pack a bag for Kienan's. Ugh.

Late in the evening

It's amazing how much I've gotten done today. Woke up around 10:30 today, although I probably would have slept later if Lucy hadn't gotten me up. Went out shopping for her today. She did a pretty good job shopping but she was really close to buying a dress she shouldn't buy. Where was she gonna wear the damn thing? She's better off buying shirts she'll wear all the time. Still didn't get any jeans but whatever. After that we went to Panera Bread, which I haven't had since I've been home. It was so good. I like the fact that it's healthy too cause most places I eat are not even close to healthy lol. Came home after that. I almost took a nap but I kept myself awake by cleaning up before Mama got home. She was in kind of a mood over the phone but it was fine after she got home. I cheered her up :-)

I've done so much since I've been home. I filled in dates in my planner, applied to several different jobs for the summer, looked up costs for my books, put together the agenda for the fraternity's first meeting, sent emails to everyone that needed it. I've been on a roll. I finally took a break.

Kienan called tonight and the conversation was going fine. At one point we started talking about schools and I talked about how I wanna go to Southern California. He kind of made a comment about the long distance thing and how we would possibly have to take a break, or a pause as he later put it. I was almost in tears. I honestly couldn't believe he had said that. I hate the word "break". It shouldn't be used in any relationship. Kind of upset me cause I felt like he wasn't willing to pull through our relationship like I was. He later apologized and said he didn't mean it cause he would be upset if we had to stop dating. Mom told me to not let it bother me. I'm trying but now I'm scared as to what can happen when we graduate. I wanna marry him and spend the rest of my life with him so I would hope he felt the same way. I think he was truly sorry and maybe he just wasn't thinking about what he said. I'm not gonna worry about it. Just had to get it out of my mind.

Home!

I'm finally home! Thank god cause I was getting frustrated being out there. The last day and everything has to happen all at once. Whatever, I'm not worried about it anymore. I'm just very glad to be home and relaxing in a better environment.

So I talked to Kienan today and he might be getting the Droid Eris which means he's going to get an extra phone!! I would love to have one of those phones. I've been waiting all this time to have a nicer phone than what I've been using. Yea it's only my third phone but it's been since high school. I deserve a nice phone lol. That and I need to switch plans because I'm tired of sprint and the fact that I can't use internet. Drives me nuts. What if I need to check something important?? I really hope this works cause I want that phone so bad. I looked up all the stuff about it and even looked at videos of all the things it can do. Looks awesome!!!

Scared for a bit

So last night was almost a disaster. I knew that shit was gonna happen. I called it the moment he told me there wasn't gonna be anymore trouble. I'm not stupid. I know how girls play that game. I see it way too many times. I'm sorry but I really don't like her. She has caused nothing but trouble for him, treats him like shit and acts like she's the girlfriend in the relationship. I'm sorry but umm, last time I checked, I was the one that's been dating him for two years. Yes it may not be me that's getting hurt but it's me who's the one that will sometimes calm him down if she's done something wrong again. It's me who has to hear the phone ring in the middle of the night because someone thinks that everyone should be up at the same hours she is. I don't like it and I don't like the problems it causes. I'm not trying to tell him what to do or saying that what he did was stupid but I think he gives in too easily to what she wants. I know you want to explain yourself but by doing that you create the attention for her. Who cares what she thinks you were doing? She doesn't deserve the explanation....Ok there. I've said my peace and I'm done.
Today's my last day here in South Carolina. Not sure what's going on today but I think Dad is out doing something to our car. Hmm. I'll probably go check on him a little later. It's been nice here. I do miss Mom. I don't miss home though. I'm gonna try really hard to just go about my life and ignore the things that are said to me that make me mad. I know it won't stop once I come home so I just have to deal with it. I have bigger things to concentrate on. I need to get everything together for school, and for the fraternity. This is gonna be a busy semester I can already tell.

South Carolina Day 2

Had a pretty good day today. We all went out shopping today to use our gift cards for World Market and for Target. I had to buy Lucy's wine again. Less than 3 months and she'll be able to buy her own stuff lol. We also went to Moe's for lunch today which was pretty good. Rented movies after that and came home. It was a nice evening. Had steak for dinner and then watched movies after that....

I miss Kienan. It's been so weird since new years. Not between me and him. Just me. Everyone proposed to their girlfriends on New Years Eve. I wasn't there to see Donna propose to Meagan, which sucks. It was nice to see but him and I kind of sat there and he apologized for not proposing to me. We've only been dating 13 months so it would be too early. Our parents would kill us. And we aren't even out of school yet. I dunno. I don't know what my problem is. I hate it when break comes around cause I miss him more and more. I think my biggest problem is that I really do wanna marry him and yet we can't right now. It's right there and I wanna grab at it but if we did we'd be stupid. We don't have jobs, a place to live, nothing. We don't even have degrees yet. It's just really hard and it gets harder during the break. I'm doing a little better but at the same time I've been having a rough time since New Years.

South Carolina Day1

Made it to Dad's just fine today. It's a 9 hour trip and i made it in 7 1/2 hours. Pretty proud of myself too lol. It's nice out here. Still cold but better than Maryland. It was a nice trip riding with Lucy. We actually talked about a lot and we never fought once. We got to Dad's around 2:45. He made Chicken and Dumplings for dinner. Mmmm so good!!! We had turtle pie after that which was delicious. We also opened up our presents for Christmas. I got the Axiom 25!! For those who don't know what that is it's basically a synthesizer to record my music. It's red and pretty. I hooked up everything and downloaded all the stuff I needed but I have to have certain chords to hear the sounds come through. Well, one of my chords is at home and the other is up at school so boo on that. I'm still excited though. I can do so much with this and I can hopefully start recording all my stuff and then some. I'm still back and forth about this whole major change but Dad didn't seem to freak when I mentioned something to him which was nice. I need to do some research and make some phone calls tomorrow and find out some stuff cause if I can still get my masters with the liberal studies major then I think I'm gonna go ahead and do it.
           We're just relaxing now watching the Bengals/Jets game so I'll probably head off to bed soon cause it's been a long day. I hope I can talk to Kienan though cause I really miss him :-(

2010, New year, New Beginnings

Happy new year :-) I haven't been on here in forever. So much has changed since this past summer. New boyfriend, new home. I'm still at Frostburg though. I'm a senior this year but I may have to be there for an extra year. I honestly don't know what to do right now. I have to decide whether or not I want to keep my major or change it to Liberal Studies with an Emphasis in Music. It's just been a rough road and I need to know what I should do considering I don't want to sing the music they teach me. I really want to sing my own music or send it off and have someone sing it for me. Honestly in the long run I want to start a family. I want to marry Kienan and share a home with him and have kids with him and be the family I know we can be.

I can't believe we've been dating for a year and a month. I've never been with someone for this long. It's been the best relationship I've had with anyone. It's not perfect but nothing is and I shouldn't expect perfection out of it. I spent the week with him out at his place. It was so nice. Yea his parents were around but I felt like we could do whatever we want and not have people worrying about us. I enjoyed it so much.

I'm going down to Dad's tomorrow so it's not like I can unpack anything lol. It'll be nice though. I haven't seen him since this summer. I think I get to see him only about twice a year. I do miss him sometimes but then again sometimes it doesn't phase me. I love my Dad very much but I've grown up always living with one parent. He has his life down in South Carolina. I don't hate him for that at all. I can't say the same for my sisters.

So it's the new year and I haven't made any resolutions. Guess I should do that now.

1. Worry less about the little things

2. Stop smoking'

3. Eat healthier

4. Finish everything that I start (unless it's a really bad fight lol)

5. Don't take things out on my family and my boyfriend

6. Make a plan for my career

7. Get my music recorded, copyrighted, and published

8. Love myself and others more

I think that's a good list. I want to stick to this. I have seriously let my emotions get the best of me and take over my life so I don't want to allow that anymore. It's a good start :-)

Happy New Year!!!