1 more day

So yesterday I was in the worse mood ever. I was fine during the day but then at night my sister and I got into it which really ticked me off. For the past two days I felt moody and I know it's because I'm anxious with the whole getting back to school thing, starting my eat-clean routine. Today though, I've felt pretty good. Maybe it's because I know I'm going back to school tomorrow and I get to do something different rather than sit on my couch and be lazy. I can't wait to start eating clean and exercising and taking great care of myself. My goal is to lose 30 pounds this semester. I said I wanted it done before my recital but I think that's putting too much pressure on myself so I'm giving it til the end of this semester. If I reach that goal before my recital then GO ME!!!!! I just need to keep myself completely motivated and not let anything stand in my way. I'm on this!!!

End of a Break

So winter break is almost over, Thank God. I'm so glad though because I feel so lazy today. I haven't done very much since I've been home. I need to workout today or something before I go crazy.

My Reality Check

So today I called my father to talk to him about this upcoming weekend. I'm going to stay with my Aunt and Uncle for a couple days to see my grandfather then heading down to hang with my Dad. When I talked to him today he told me that my grandfather has told the hospital he would like for them to stop his medication and to stop feeding him through an I.V. At this point he is waiting for his life to end. I cried for a good hour about it.

I always ask myself why my Grandfather wants to do this to himself. I know a few reasons. He lost my grandmother (whom he loved dearly) about 10 years ago. He is a diabetic and is on many medications that kill his energy and his taste buds. It upsets me though because he acts like he is lonely when that is simply not true. He still has his children, his 6 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren who love him very much. I don't want to see him give up.

This whole situation came as a reality check to me. I cannot let myself become a person who cannot, or chooses not to take care of themselves. If I can work to be a healthy person then I can inspire the rest of my family to be healthy as well and we can live longer and happier lives. I don't want the possibility of diabetes in my future and I don't want it for my sisters either. My grandfather deserved a healthier life and he wouldn't do that for himself. I choose to do this for myself because I don't think God intended for us to give up on ourselves.

Happy New Year

So I've already started off the new year in a positive direction. I've been working on job applications all day so that I can get a head start on getting a job for the summer. I hope it works out cause I could really use the money and I don't feel like staying up at school again. I've also set up 5 goals for myself. They aren't hard or anything I can't handle but they are going to be a small challenge for myself. These are my first 5 goals for 2011

1.No smoking for 2 weeks (Jan 2-Jan 16)
2. Lose 10 pounds
3. Workout for 3 days of the week
4. Follow my menu plan for two weeks (End of January)
5. Find a job for the summer

I've already started working on my fifth goal which is a great start. I hope something comes up for me. I'll have to check back later in the month for any new jobs. I feel good about what I'm doing for myself and I know it's just going to get better from here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

New Years Eve

So I'm sitting in Bowie on computer watching my boyfriend play video games on his xbox and I realize that maybe this is a good time for me to reflect. This year has gone by so fast and has been a year I think I won't forget, even if I wanted to. People have been lost this year, fights have occured and friends have been split apart. But at the same time I feel like I have found new friends who are very dear to me, I have become a more responsible person for myself. I have worked hard to make sure that my new year will be something that turns my lifestyle into something healthy and happy.

I know this is something selfish to say but I feel as though I have not done enough for myself. My priorities for others and other responsibilities have led me off track. I almost lost my chance to stay in college. I will never let that happen again. I can't. It's not an option. I am working to be a healthier person and a happier person. I know it will take time but I think that involves taking care of myself and my thoughts first. While some people may think it's selfish, I think it's my only solution. I don't know how many times I've heard "You can't help anyone unless ou help yourself first". I want to make this new year my happiest yet.

I want to be able to talk to people without having to turn it into something bad or having them think to themselves "When will she shut up?" I want to be a better person overall.

Winter Break

So far break has been pretty good. I still have a lot to do though. I have to get all of my music learned and memorized (even though I don't have half of it and can't afford to buy it). I also have to do my program notes so I can submit them to my teacher and our music department. I want it all done so I can relax and enjoy my semester. All of this last minute stuff is going to end now. I can't handle all of that. On a good note I got a higher GPA this semester which makes me pretty happy. I only got 1 D which I need to fix for next semester but I didn't fail any of my classes, thank God.

I've also been working on a few things where my personal health is concerned. The binder is mostly finished which is a good thing considering it took me forever. I've been making slight changes to my lifestyle and routine to give myself better hygiene and a better feeling about myself. I make sure I brush my teeth every day, in the morning and at night. I am terrible about sticking to that routine. I also make sure I take a shower either every day or at least every other day. I like baths so I take a bath more often but I know that's not exactly doing the trick. I take my contacts out every night so that I don't get a disease in my eye. I also make sure that I get up at a decent hour so that I don't miss my entire day. I still have problems going to bed at night but I'm sure I'll figure that out. I also need to stop taking naps in the middle of the day. I only do it though because I get bored.  I feel like my life is turning out a lot better though. One thing that's really important to me is drinking a lot of water. I love water and I know it's good for me but sometimes I let temptation of juice and soda get in the way. The only problem is I have to go to the bathroom a lot. Oh well. That's a small sacrifice I'll make to be healthy. I can't wait to go back to school and start my new lifestyle. If I can make these small changes now, then I can do anything and nothing can stop me. That's my new motto I keep repeating to myself.

NOTHING CAN STOP ME EVER!!!!

Jokes

I know people are trying to joke and have fun with me but it still bothers me. I feel like when a person makes a serious change in their life, people can only joke about it. It sucks and hurts my feelings. I'm trying something new and I'm working really hard to make a change in my lifestyle and people want to do nothing but shoot it down. I don't say anything about your life so stay out of mine. Thanks!!!