New Years Eve

So I'm sitting in Bowie on computer watching my boyfriend play video games on his xbox and I realize that maybe this is a good time for me to reflect. This year has gone by so fast and has been a year I think I won't forget, even if I wanted to. People have been lost this year, fights have occured and friends have been split apart. But at the same time I feel like I have found new friends who are very dear to me, I have become a more responsible person for myself. I have worked hard to make sure that my new year will be something that turns my lifestyle into something healthy and happy.

I know this is something selfish to say but I feel as though I have not done enough for myself. My priorities for others and other responsibilities have led me off track. I almost lost my chance to stay in college. I will never let that happen again. I can't. It's not an option. I am working to be a healthier person and a happier person. I know it will take time but I think that involves taking care of myself and my thoughts first. While some people may think it's selfish, I think it's my only solution. I don't know how many times I've heard "You can't help anyone unless ou help yourself first". I want to make this new year my happiest yet.

I want to be able to talk to people without having to turn it into something bad or having them think to themselves "When will she shut up?" I want to be a better person overall.

Winter Break

So far break has been pretty good. I still have a lot to do though. I have to get all of my music learned and memorized (even though I don't have half of it and can't afford to buy it). I also have to do my program notes so I can submit them to my teacher and our music department. I want it all done so I can relax and enjoy my semester. All of this last minute stuff is going to end now. I can't handle all of that. On a good note I got a higher GPA this semester which makes me pretty happy. I only got 1 D which I need to fix for next semester but I didn't fail any of my classes, thank God.

I've also been working on a few things where my personal health is concerned. The binder is mostly finished which is a good thing considering it took me forever. I've been making slight changes to my lifestyle and routine to give myself better hygiene and a better feeling about myself. I make sure I brush my teeth every day, in the morning and at night. I am terrible about sticking to that routine. I also make sure I take a shower either every day or at least every other day. I like baths so I take a bath more often but I know that's not exactly doing the trick. I take my contacts out every night so that I don't get a disease in my eye. I also make sure that I get up at a decent hour so that I don't miss my entire day. I still have problems going to bed at night but I'm sure I'll figure that out. I also need to stop taking naps in the middle of the day. I only do it though because I get bored.  I feel like my life is turning out a lot better though. One thing that's really important to me is drinking a lot of water. I love water and I know it's good for me but sometimes I let temptation of juice and soda get in the way. The only problem is I have to go to the bathroom a lot. Oh well. That's a small sacrifice I'll make to be healthy. I can't wait to go back to school and start my new lifestyle. If I can make these small changes now, then I can do anything and nothing can stop me. That's my new motto I keep repeating to myself.

NOTHING CAN STOP ME EVER!!!!

Jokes

I know people are trying to joke and have fun with me but it still bothers me. I feel like when a person makes a serious change in their life, people can only joke about it. It sucks and hurts my feelings. I'm trying something new and I'm working really hard to make a change in my lifestyle and people want to do nothing but shoot it down. I don't say anything about your life so stay out of mine. Thanks!!!

Where am I going?

I am 22 years old, almost out of college, and unhealthy. I can't even walk very far without running out of breath and feeling like I'm going to pass out. What is going on? I know what it is... I let myself get this way because I didn't care about myself. I am sick and on antibiotics right now and I shouldn't have to be. It makes me sick to my stomach and feel drowsy all day...

So now I ask myself, "Where am I going?". Am I going in a direction where I will be at risk with diabetes because it runs in my family? Or am I going to stop being lazy and care about the number 1 person in my life.... ME. I saw my grandfather over Thanksgiving weekend and he looked terrible. He won't eat, won't get up, won't go anywhere, won't do anything unless someone forces him to. He's given up. I know he has reasons but I can't accept that. You should never give up. There are reasons to be healthy. I want to live a happy and healthy life and I can't wait for someone to hand that to me. I'm going to have to do this myself. I've given up about 3 times now and it's a horrible feeling of failure. I've learned what I've done wrong and what I've been missing.

So here's how it's gonna go. I have a binder filled with all of the information I need for the Eat Clean Diet. I also have pages for motivation, as well as something I like to call the "Reality Check-List". There's no going back from here. I've had people tell me they love me just the way I am. That's great but I would love me too if I was able to get up in the morning and have energy, feel more confident with my looks, not have to keep buying bigger sizes in clothes. That's not me. I will not be 160 pounds wearing size 13 jeans for the rest of my life. Just not going to happen. This is my promise to myself. I don't care if I don't have a six-pack but I do care if my BMI is down to the right number and I can walk around comfortably in clothes that make feel amazing.

It's gonna happen. There's no stopping me now.